day two: acceptance
There are two ways to be. One is at war with reality and the other is at peace.
Byron Katie
Hope your Day One was interesting. For those who like a road map, this first week will mostly be about ourselves. Knowing ourselves and how we function is a key component to both living well and bettering our world. Let’s start with a parable.
There’s a story about a horse. A man has a prized horse. Everyone in the town is jealous of this horse. One day the horse runs away, and the townspeople are quick to say, Your horse ran away—bad luck. And the man replies, Good luck, bad luck, who can say? A few weeks later, the horse returns with ten wild horses in tow, and the townspeople come to see what the noise is about. Your horse returned and now you have a whole herd—good luck! The man replies, Good luck, bad luck, who can say? The man’s son is so happy to have his horse back that he takes him for a ride, and the horse who’s been cavorting with wild stallions throws the boy, breaking his leg. The townspeople come to see the boy and say, Your son has broken his leg—bad luck. And the man replies, Good luck, bad luck, who can say? Then a war breaks out and all the boys are taken off to battle, but the man’s son can’t fight because of his injury. All the other sons go off to war, and the townspeople say, Gee, your son doesn’t have to fight—good luck. And the man replies, Good luck, bad luck, who can say?
Can you be like the man and remain unattached, waiting to see how things play out? Or do you resist reality and think what’s happening should be some other way? Do you judge triumph as good and trials as bad?
When curveballs happen in life, because they always do—hello, coronavirus—we often get panicked or scared. Damnit, something is deviating from the plan. We might ask ourselves what we say about what’s happening? What is the story we tell ourselves when a pandemic hits? A parent dies? A car breaks down? A job is lost? A spouse cheats? A flight gets cancelled? Are the detours viewed as a distraction, a hindrance or a necessary help? Did you ever get lost in a new city, only to discover a store, a tree or even your soulmate—or were you too frustrated to notice? Did you ever consider that the detour may have helped you avoid an injury or a fatal accident? We know what’s happening in the world right now is causing pain and suffering, which is devastating, but have you also considered that other calamities may have been prevented by our current conditions? How you perceive what happens, or the narrative you create, can have more impact than the event itself.
When I worked as an Executive Coach at a startup, I ran a weekly class called LifeLAB. It was a way to present to a larger group recurring themes that came up in 1:1 coaching. It was founded on the premise that in a laboratory, chemical compounds are neither good nor bad. We simply do experiments to determine how they react to each other. Pour this into that, nothing happens. But pour that one into this one, and BOOM! What would happen if we maintained a neutral curiosity about whatever was happening in our lives without our own attachment to the outcome?
Reflective Journal Prompts
In what ways do you accept what happens to you? And in what ways do you argue with life, thinking you know better?
Write about something that seemed good but wasn’t. And something that seemed bad but that helped you grow in unexpected ways.
Discussion Prompts
Share the parable of the man and his prized horse with someone and ask them what they think of it. By the way, children love this story.
Suggested Action
As you walk through your day today, observe things without judgment, more like a lab technician would. Notice what that feels like.
Further Reading
For more about accepting reality, I recommend reading Byron Katie’s Loving What Is or checking out her website where she demonstrates a technique called The Work.
All drawings done by my brother, Robert Fiordaliso. Sheltering at home has allowed him to be more creative and spend long periods of time with his family — something that was never possible while working a corporate job and commuting 2 hours a day.