day seven: fear
What the mind doesn’t understand, it worships or fears.
-Alice Walker
We’ve been together for a week. I wish I could sit down with each of you and ask how you’re doing. As things start to open up, anxiety ran higher for some. Others felt calm. There’s no perfect way to do anything right now — we are in uncharted territory. Some people are productive. Others need daily naps Whatever you’re feeling is okay. Feelings are not good or bad. Just like most weather is not good or bad. We need all of it. Even fear serves its purpose.
Number one, fear is normal. We’re animals; our DNA is only 1% different from our primate cousins. Fear is installed to keep us safe and ensure our survival. Fear can provide necessary information. It can help us take certain preventive or protective actions or encourage us to be more cautious.
Number two, we can befriend our fears. From childhood on we tell people don’t be afraid of this and don’t be afraid of that, but we can’t talk anyone out of feeling fear. If you have a child you might know that offering them all the reasons why their fear is irrational only escalates their discomfort. Last year there was a meme going around that said, Never in the history of calm down did anyone ever calm down by being told to calm down. Fear is sorta the same.
Despite wanting a pet my whole life, I got my first dog when I was 37. Percy is a mixed chihuahua, spaniel blend who is a regal looking creature but after living on the streets is afraid of almost everything. I’ve learned so much from co-habitating with him for 9 years, but one of the things I’ve found most interesting is this: when he encounters a scent that’s unfamiliar to him, he doesn’t resist it. Instead he rolls in it. Rubs his face against it. Gets it all over himself. This has taught me something important: when something is unfamiliar or even scary, it can help to move closer to it rather than pulling away. Kind of like we discussed on Day One about naming all our feelings, especially the ones that intimidate us.
Moving closer to our fears means getting curious about them. What shape is it? When did it start? If you gave it a voice, what would it say? Instead of trying to silence our fears, let them speak.
Reflective Journal Prompts
How has fear played a role in your life? In the past, what things were you most afraid of? Which did you share and which did you keep to yourself? Why?
Identify a fear you overcame. What happened? What could that teach you about something you’re afraid of right now?
Discussion Prompts
Ask someone to share a fear with you. For children, when they say they’re afraid, ask them to describe the fear in detail - to give it a voice, a gender, a name.
Suggested Action
When you feel fear at any point today, try moving closer to it rather than pulling away. Notice what happens.
Further Reading
As I was preparing to walk the Camino de Santiago alone, I encountered two main fears; being robbed of my documents and money, and being sexually assaulted. I used Tim Ferriss’ approach to managing fear before I left—it helped.