day nineteen: community
There is no social-change fairy. There is only change made by the hands of individuals.
-Winona Laduke
Before the coronavirus pandemic there was a classic, depressing scene we’d become desensitized to—a group of people out in public with their heads in their phones. A family at a restaurant. A group of teens at a park. Theater audiences during intermission. Travelers sitting side-by-side on a plane. We were together but separate. And now we’re all separate but seeking out innovative ways to feel connected, communal.
The etymology of the word communal is com, which means with. And we can see the togetherness of similarly rooted words like companion (to break bread with), compassion (to feel with) and community (to share space with). I’ve often been told that my superpower is creating community. Shortly after arriving in a new place, I have a routine, friends and regular groups I attend. I know my neighbors and local shop owners. I speak to strangers.
My need to create community came from feeling alone in my upbringing and from being a single parent. Not really a superpower at all but a survival method. The end result, however, has altered the quality of my life—I’ve made lifelong friends and colleagues on planes, been held in the arms of strangers when moved to tears by a play and eaten off the plates of random neighboring diners at restaurants. Creating connection and community have been some of the most fulfilling parts of my life.
In 2016, an essay I wrote was published in the NY Times. It spoke about how we might create connection in the absence of physical touch. The editor felt it was the message the country needed the Sunday before election day. To me, its message feels even more relevant right now, so maybe it planted a seed and I’m not done sowing that seed.
Back in January, when I first spoke of starting The When is Now, people asked if it was political. It was inspired by the divisive cultural climate of the world, but I knew it was non-partisan. Sure, it’s an election year and I’m concerned with what might be considered liberal principles, but from the beginning this has been intended for all people. It’s not either/or, you or me, this or that, but the connective tissue in between that interests me. I don’t believe that any perfect elected official can create the kind of change the world needs—it must come from all of us.
At the beginning of the pandemic I had a dream. Thousands of ants were carrying giant leaves on their backs, headed in one direction. Marching through a huge rainstorm, they persisted. In this same way, we’ll create change. Over these past weeks, we’ve asked ourselves what we feel, what kind of work only we can do and what we’re willing to fight for. The change we want to see in the world starts with us—it happens from the bottom up. It starts in our families, with our neighbors and in our communities. It’s time to put down our phones and pick up our leaves. It’s time to start walking to build something new with each other.
Reflective Journal Prompts
What kind of change do you want to see in the world and how can you start working for that change today with yourself, your family, your neighbors?
What could you accomplish if you hid your phone for one hour a day?
Discussion Prompts
Talk about what your relationship to community has been and what you would like it to be. For children, ask them if they were in charge of their city or town, what changes they would make.
Suggested Action
Despite social distancing, commit to three actions you could take this week to consciously create connection or community.