day five: golden
Depression is your body saying, I don’t want to be this character anymore. I don’t want to hold up this avatar that you’ve created in the world. It’s too much for me. You should think of the word ‘depressed’ as ‘deep rest.’ Your body needs deep rest from the character that you’ve been trying to play.
-Jim Carrey
It was simple. All I did was remove everything that wasn’t David. This was how Michelangelo responded when asked by the pope about the secret of his genius while sculpting what’s considered one of the greatest works ever made. He also said, All I did was free the angel from within the marble.
One of the great myths of life is that we feel we must acquire titles and things. It starts the second we are born. The first layer is gender along with its imposition of pink or blue accessories. Then name. Then wellness or sickness. Then traits and features of our relatives. Then our parents’ ideas for who we will be added on top of our very simple, very perfect, I am existence. Titles. Degrees. Roles. Responsibilities. Talents. Skills. Stuff. Designer purses. Houses. Spouses. Children. I am a woman. I am a man. I am a wife. A mother. A lawyer. An artist. A CEO.
The more titles we acquire, the better we’re supposed to feel. Only problem is we don’t. The more we get, the worse we feel, and then we feel bad about feeling bad. And that’s when we start “shoulding” on ourselves. I should be so happy—look at everything I have or all my money or everything I’ve accomplished. This also contributes to the need to numb. We think we should feel happy and satisfied, but we don’t.
For many of us, we’ve worn these heavy layers of identity on top of our existence for a lifetime. And Jim Carrey is right: we need deep rest from the exhaustion of carrying this heavy armor that’s meant to give us value but leaves us tired and empty. Over the past months, many of us have been forced to shed those layers we’ve worked so hard to acquire. What are we left with? What really matters about who we are when we leave those layers at the door?
We can shed the layers that we’ve gathered like a tumbleweed as we’ve moved through life—we can free the angel inside, underneath all the stuff, underneath the societal and parental expectations, underneath the status and also underneath the shame and regret.
Some of us don’t only use the things we’re proud of to define us; we also use our shortcomings, our addictions, our learning disabilities, our losses. I am depressed. I am an alcoholic. I am a widow. I am disappointed. I am a divorced. I am overwhelmed. I am afraid. I am obsessive. You are not these things. They are not you. They are experiences you’ve had or are having. In English, we only have I am -- fixed and solid. But in romance languages the first thing you learn is the difference between I am and I am. One is for permanent states like your gender or race or nationality (although we’ve seen that gender can change). And the other is for temporary states you’re experiencing like visiting another place or being sick—conditions, locations, emotions. This difference is important.
In 1957, an entire monastery in Thailand was being relocated by a group of monks. One day they were moving a giant clay Buddha when one of the monks noticed a large crack in the clay. The monk used a hammer and a chisel to chip away at the clay exterior until he revealed that the statue was, in fact, made of solid gold. Our gold is not our clay covering—the external layers. Our gold is what’s inside—who we are—our mere and magnificent existence.
All we need is to be. We’re told to have a plan and a plan B. But all we really need is Plan Be. Plan be here now. Thank you, Ram Dass. I am. Just as I am. Period.
Reflective Journal Prompts
What are the identities you’ve acquired? Is the value that you ascribe to your life based on what you do or what you have or who you are?
Take your list of I am identities and make them temporary. For example, I’m a teacher becomes I’m employed as a teacher. I’m disappointed, becomes when I had to cancel my trip to LA, I felt disappointed. From now on, consider the ways you use I am statements.
Discussion Prompts
How has this period of time in history made you think about the roles you play? If you’re with children, ask them who they are and see if they’ve already layered on certain identities. These activities/questions for children might add unexpected growth and development to their online learning.
Suggested Action
Listen to the voices in your head. Michael Singer calls that voice your roommate. If the voice is not you, who are you? The simple answer is that you are the one who witnesses the voice, not the voice itself. Observe it.
Further Reading
The Untethered Soul, Michael Singer